In 2015 I started this blog as a therapeutic way of putting the pain I had inside down in words. All you have to do is read the previous posts to see how sad, frustrated and angry I was. Don’t kid yourself being born transgender is not something one would choose willingly. There are so many uncertainties that one has to deal with just to find the courage to be yourself and there is no way of knowing how your friends and family will react. I definitely had thoughts about who would and wouldn’t be able to accept me and for the most part I was pretty damn close. I had fears that I wouldn’t be accepted by society and that becoming who I really was would end up costing me. Hell even one of my doctors told me the first time we met to be prepared to lose EVERYTHING…
Turns out she could not have been more wrong. Here we are a couple years later and while my father has not and most likely will not come around, the level of love and acceptance I have received on my journey has been so overwhelming I find myself crying tears of joy on several occasions. HRT definitely makes you ride a roller coaster of emotions but it didn’t take much as I have always been highly emotional. I consider myself very lucky and truly blessed to be surrounded by the amazing people I have in my life. I’ve also come to realize that I can use my story and the experiences I have had on my journey to help others and recently I have had someone come into my life that is just starting her journey.
Let’s call her “C” to protect her real identity. C is a young high school student that recently had the courage to come out to her school as her true self. She has already experienced so much of a roller coaster ride of highs and lows that sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming to try and be there for her when she needs me. Between work, family life and my general need to spend time with those most important to me I can be difficult to reach at times. I want to be available to anyone that needs me and be able to use my experiences to help others that need it most so this is why I have chosen to come back to this blog. Here I can write about what it’s really like to live the life of a transgendered woman. I began this journey in the fall of 2014 and while this journey will never be fully over I have a huge milestone fast approaching.
On February 13, 2018 I will undergo SRS to correct a birth defect that I have had to live with. For those not familiar the short story is they take your male member and created a vagina. My therapist likes to say that every significant step I have taken in my journey I have come to on my own terms. This is definitely the case with choosing to have the surgery. I have always felt uncomfortable in my body as far back as I can remember and while I now feel a certain comfort level inside the outside is still something that makes me cringe. I guess the best way to try and help people understand is it really is the desire to have the inside match the outside. While all women have insecurities having to worry about ones genitalia is not something most have to give a second thought to. But think about that for a moment… What if your body didn’t match who you were? For me it was never a question of did I want to have a vagina it was just all the fear of the cost and the pain that I would have to go through to make it a reality. First the cost and without going into details (I prefer to keep my company I work for private) I have been blessed with having insurance coverage to pay the majority of my medical expenses which includes paying 80% of the cost of SRS!!! When I found this out I knew it was meant to be. As far as the pain, I have done plenty of thorough research that assures me that while it will be painful (as is all surgery) its tolerable and I will recover. If you want to know more about the procedure I suggest you visit the website of Dr. Marci Bowers which I will list below. Its by far the most detailed and thorough site and seeing how I am privileged to have Dr. Bowers do the procedure this would be the best source of information for you look at.
Well safe to say I’m back and I want to thank C for getting me motivated to get back to writing. I can’t say how often I will write in here but I can tell you if I am inspired to you will see new posts. Thanks for all the love and support!!
HUGS!! Erica 🙂